remember a time when you could do stuff with out people looking for a reason behind it. like sometimes your feel like getting completly rat arsed, but no, there has to be something your trying to block out of your mind
tis a load of bullshit tbh and why is it when someone dies, people expect you to be this wreck. then when your not, instead of being happy for you, they act as tho your a mental patient.
i mean come on people, do you honestly think that he would have wanted me to break down cos i dont.
so no people i'm not in denile
no i'm not blocking stuff out
and yes i did love him so stop worrying about me because nothing is wrong.

first post

ok i guess this is my first post on here. have to admitt i feel like a complete and utter twat but here goes. i want to talk about something in my life that i cant talk about with people face to face. i found out a couple of weeks ago my first real boyfriend had died. he took a overdose and died before anyone could get to him. the worst thing is, we had just started talking again. you see he had to move to france a couple of years ago for a reason i'm not going to get into. this pissed me off so much a deleted his number i got rid of any trace of him i had which included photo's so i dont even have that reminder of him. all i have of him is a necklace he gave me for my birthday just before he left for france. so yeah you think thats bad enough right. well it gets worse. his parents (who never liked me in the first place) decided to ring me the other week and tell me that it was my fault he died. apparently he started getting depressed after he moved, and it was apparently my fault they made him move country. they told me that he got worse after i started texting him again, so as you could imagine that made me feel bloody brilliant.

all this is happening and gues who i have to talk to, my phyco best friend who delights in winding me up and making this whole thing ten times worse for me. he offers me the drink and yes drugs (i didnt acept the drugs before you start).

so yeah kinda heavy for a first entry but you know.

thanks for reading

onyx

xoxo